Fox News Latino Wants Your Help in Naming a Hispanic Only Political Party

Fox News Latino, the bastion of fair-and-balanced journalism (LOL) is asking readers of its hot & spicy new Web site to help them name a political party should Latinos were to form their own party. Should it be the Salsa Party? The Cafe Party? or The Tequila Party?

Here is the poll as they published it this week… and I swear I’m not making it up, even though, I have my own very well kept opinions about these individuals.

As for myself, I’m going to abstain from voting. As you all know by now, I am an active member of the Grand Old Enchilada Party.

Coño! I’ll Never Become a Teacher in NYC

I have found yet another reason why a school will never hire me to teach anything…. anywhere.

According to the AP, Carlos Garcia, a New York City high-school teacher, has been suspended and fined with $15,000 for what school officials say was “misconduct for using it in his Manhattan classroom,” in other words, for saying the word “coño” out loud.

If uttering a word such as “coño” is considered “misconduct” in a classroom, this blogger has absolutely no future in the field of education. So without further ado, I am withdrawing my candidacy to assist Ms. Catherine P. Black in her new gig as NYC School Czar, even though she looks to be as clueless to handle the task as I am.

¡Coño!

Jehova’s Witnesses Want Us to Move to Canada

I’m all up for tolerance, freedom of religion and all that stuff. But being woken up before noon on a Sunday by a group of Spanish-speaking Jehova’s witnesses has got to be sin, no matter where you live.

However, as soon as I saw what these guys were bringing into my home, my annoyance turned to curiosity: According to their literature, our suffering will end soon… as soon as we move to Canada, and organize pic-nics with pumpkins and apples while moose and horses roam around.

Which would be, like, super nice, because right now it’s 40 degrees outside and the only thing roaming around my neighborhood are livery cabs, tamale street vendors and, well, plenty of Jehova’s witnesses.

Watch it, Mr. Arpaio! Here Comes Anya Corazón

No matter how many superheroes join the anti-immigrant cause, we (i.e. fearless Latinos) can always count on a new muchacha in town, who will kick the ass of immigrant haters… should that be necessary.

Meet the new Spider Girl -aka Anya Corazón- a 16-year-old high-school student of Latino descent who lives in -where else?- Gotham.

According to creators, Marvel Comics, Anya Corazón provides “a positive, modern image of an empowered young woman.” But I like to think of her more like a tough señorita, who will use her superpowers to take on your Seagals and your Ferrignos.

And wait until she hooks up with this guy: There’s going to be a lot of Paf! Pum! Zas!

Is Your Anti-Immigration Policy Not Working? Just Call a Superhero

Lou Ferrigno has joined Joe Arpaio’s anti-immigrant fight. According to Reuters:

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said Ferrigno, 59, a body builder who donned green makeup to star in the popular 1970s television series ‘The Incredible Hulk,’ was among 56 people sworn in as volunteers for an armed immigration posse.

So you might want to think twice about setting a foot in Arizona. You never know what the green monster will do with your puny body.

Kahlúa Makes Spanish ‘Intreeeging’ and Delicioso

Kahlúa has a hilarious new campaign out featuring veracruzana Ana de la Reguera, informing gringos about several important truths, including the fact that “Here in Veracruz we speak Spanish mostly because it’s the language that we speak.” LOL.

Watch Ana do her thing and enjoy a nice campaign that -for once- takes a tired stereotype to a funny and truly enjoyable end.

The campaign, now under way, is the first from a new Kahlúa creative agency, TBWA/Chiat/Day.

Threatened by Dangerous-Looking Latinos? Just Call Jimmy John’s and Order a Sandwich

Next time your car breaks down in a Latino neighborhood, all you have to do is call the folks at Jimmy John’s. Not only they will deliver your sandwich right on the spot, but they will make sure to send a squeaky-clean white boy for your safety.

Hat tip: P. Aristoy

Mexican Entertainment Takes Over the ‘Big Apple’

Not content with scaring the bejesus out of white families around the nation’s freeways, the Mexicans are now taking over the heart of the Big Apple: Times Square.

Open 7 days a week, the Mexican Bar -and its scantily clad señoritas- is waiting for you to celebrate its gran “inaguración,” which is kind of like an “inauguración” but way, way better.

So what are YOU waiting for? Come have some real Latin fun! This joint is 100% mMexicano [sic].

Nicaragua Invades Costa Rica; Blames Google Maps, Which in Turns Blames the U.S. State Department

Turns out Nicaragua invaded neighboring Costa Rica this, only to blame Google Maps for the embarrassing incident.

As it turns out, Nicaragua’s highest military “intelligence” relied solely on Google Maps to figure out their country’s borders, and in no way “meant” to go where nobody had invited them to.

As a Nicaraguan commander told the local press: he was just following what Google Maps said, and he never intended to go into the neighboring country.

But Google Maps was not ready to take blame for the whole mess, and instead quickly pointed the finger to the real culprit:

The U.S. Department of State has provided a corrected version and we are now working to update our maps.

I am still waiting on the U.S. State Department’s answer, but I think they are still trying to figure out where this whole thing is taking place.

Overworked? Underpaid? Worry No More. You, Too, Can Make it Big in the Big Apple

Attention, Latin American workers working in rotten conditions: Hang on to your dreams -and hopes: You never know when your crummy, underpaid, terribly dangerous job will help you land a spot in the New York City marathon and make you a star of late-night television.

If it happened to Edison Peña, it can happen to all of us! [or not]

Ricky Explains Why He ‘Came Out’ this Year [As if I Didn't Know He Did that Ages Ago]

U.S. broadcast television wants you to believe Ricky Martin came out of the closet on March 29. But us, Spanish speakers exposed to Televisión Española know that this actually happened a long, long, time ago, in a galaxy not very far away, actually.

P.S. This blogger is just waiting on Bosé.

Univision Celebrates ‘Día de los Muertos’ by Killing ‘El Show de Cristina’

After more than 20 years on the air, Univision’s long-running talk show El Show de Cristina is coming to an end. The final episode will air tonight @10 PM (ET) .

The famous Cuban-American host said she was let go for being ‘vieja.’ Yet, she also anticipated “new and exciting” projects, including a TV show coming in the spring.

No word yet on when Sábado Gigante will get the ax, though if you asked me, I think Don Francisco has stamina for another 50 years.