Eva Luna’s Secret is Out: Pizzas, Phones and Cars

SPOILER ALERT: Attention, telenovela fans, if you prefer to be pleasantly surprised Monday night, please don’t read this post.

Turns out the “secret” behind Univision’s much-hyped upcoming Eva Luna is finally out: According to The Hollywood Reporter, the telenovela, which will premiere Nov. 1, will give viewers plenty of product placements by marketers including General Motors, Domino’s Pizza and T-Mobile.

That way, Hispanic TV viewers will be able to savor the wonders of advertising even before -and after- watching the actual commercials.

Isn’t that just freaking dandy?

Spaniards, Too, Can Look Ethnic This Halloween

Well, turns out it’s not only Americans who like to go a litle ethnic when it comes to celebrate Halloween.

Palma de Mallorca, Spain-based Turbo Hobby is promoting a new line of ethnic costumes, which include the “Disfraz de mexicano” (Mexican costume) featuring a pink, flowery poncho and some kind of Andaluz-looking hat that we didn’t know was Mexican.

Turbo Hobby’s Disfraz de mexicano comes in adult and child sizes and can be yours for only 14.95 euros.

Chances are you won’t look as cute as the guy in the picture, but it is very likely that some members of your same gender will express their desire to sneak under your poncho…

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Piolín Gives Obama Wide Range of Topics to Discuss

You can say anything you want about Eddie “Piolín” Sotelo, but the guy sure knows how to interview a president. The influential radio personality (and former undocumented Mexican) kicked off  a one-on-one interview with Barack Obama this Monday by offering the president four possible topics of conversation:

EPS: I’m gonna give you the option, you know, which topic would you like me to begin with.

POTUS: We can talk about anything you want, Piolín.

EPS: I’m gonna give you options. Multiple choice. Are you ready?

POTUS: I am.

EPS: A.) Immigration reform B.) Immigration reform, C.) Immigration reform or D.)  All of the above.

POTUS: I think I’ll take D.) All of the above

Click here to hear the rest of the interview until the end. I’m happy enough with the way it began.

Hey! I Got No Music, Nor Fireworks When I Came In

Louisiana Senator David Vitter does not like his opponent, Charlie Melancon, apparently because he gave us (the Mexicans) a warm welcome in this country, greeting us with marching bands, fireworks, balloons and even a stretch limo.

This is bogus, man! Can Mr. Melancon please explain why I got none of these when I came in? Is it ’cause I didn’t pass through Louisiana? If so, I will keep that in mind for future reference and tip my paisanos. Who wouldn’t want such a festive welcome to the U.S.A?

Hat tip: Hispanic Tips

The Astrologer Formerly Known as Walter Mercado Now Wants You to Call Him Shanti Ananda

I am sure you are too busy these days to take notice of real important news, so allow me to fill you in on a major development.

Starting today, you might want to refer to the famous Puerto Rican astrologer, caped TV personality of dubious gender Walter Mercado as Shanti Ananda. Why? Because while we were snoozing over our boring jobs and ending our pathetic work days in some local pub, Mr. Mercado had a revelation: a mystical voice in his dreams asked him to change his name to Shanti Ananda and help the poor people of Puerto Rico.

Not sure yet if Shanti will continue to entertain us with his fancy apparitions on Spanish-language TV. He (or she?) will be greatly missed.

Source: El Nuevo Día

Eva Longoria Wants You to Know She is “Laa-ahatin”

This blog’s favorite retro-acculturated Latina (aka La Prieta Faya) is rapping to let us know she is the queen, she is the host and any-time-she-wants-she-can-order-French-toast…

¡Ajúa! Carly Fiorina Thinks Every Speech Should Start With a Shot of Tequila…

Attention, California Hispanics: If you still need a reason to vote Republican this November -and give your children an extraordinary lesson on politics- you might want to consider Carly Fiorina.

The Republican candidate to the U.S. Senate is so close to her Latino constituency, that during a recent gala with “Hispanic achievers” in California, she took to the stage not only to down a shot of tequila, but to actually conclude that every speech should start with, well, a shot of tequila and then rolling her “rrrrrrr’s” in a very spooky way.

Now, that’s one sensible Republican!

Hat tip: Latinoblogpolitics

Mariachi Politics Taken to a New Level with Car…, posted with vodpod

Unbelievable But True: Inés Sainz Sets Journalistic Goals for Herself [Sort of]

Mexican playmate-guanabee sports reporter Inés Sainz was so traumatized about her infamous “incident” last month at the NFL locker room that she has decided to set herself some “ground rules” in order to go back to work.

First order of business: She will not be conducting interviews in men’s locker rooms, which is, like, a great start!

So, how about setting a higher goal for yourself, Inés, and just go work as playmate or stripper or something? That way she will be doing us all a big favor.

Watch the video below for a full display of Inés’ journalistic abilities.

I Guess I Won’t Get a Job at Fox News Any Time Soon

Well, it looks like my job prospects in New York City are rapidly shrinking, with the recently launched Fox News Latino joining the list of Places-That-Will-Never-Hire-Laura-Martinez.

But, oh, did I have fun last night hanging out with the Russians!

Click on the picture below to watch last night’s The Alyona Show

Fox News Latino Launches Today, Featuring ‘Caliente’ News and Fiery Font Logo

I always knew the folks over at Fox News Latino would raise the information bar, by bringing us news items that truly appeal to U.S. Hispanics. Take Doctor Manny Alvarez, one of this blogger’s favorite authors and the one who brought you The Hot Latin Diet: The Fast Track Plan to a Bombshell Body.

Alas, after all these years not reading his books, I have not yet managed to get my “bombshell body,” but now that I have Fox News Latino to pave the way, I’m willing to give it another shot.

Oh… but wait. I gotta have breakfast!

Vicente Fox Wants You to Believe Borges Was a Nobel Laureate… [Psst! He Wasn't]

Of course, this was not the first time Mexico’s “beloved” -and virtually illiterate- former president made a mistake of the literary nature. But at least before he was busy saying stupid things on TV, that we didn’t have to be hit with his barbaridades every 60 seconds with his Twitter updates.

Rubio Wants English-Only Policies. Yet, Finds Spanish Convenient to Pander to Hispanics

Florida’s GOP Senate nominee Marco Rubio has taken any chance possible to say that English should be the official language of the United States. He is also well known for his hard line rhetoric against immigration.

Yet, when it comes to winning votes among Hispanics, the son of Cuban immigrants has not missed the opportunity to speak, well, in Spanish, the language of Cuban immigrants.

Don Francisco Joins Fidel Castro in World of Fake Death News Stories

Latin Gossip was quick to let us know that despite who-know-whose Twitter account, he is alive and kicking. Just like Fidel!

¡No asusten de esa manera!

The Fighter and the Groupie, Ahem, Journalist

So this is what happens when very serious journalists (like myself) meet in person with their subject matters -and sources.

Oscar de la Hoya received a Lifetime of Achievement in Hispanic Television by Multichannel News and Broadcasting and Cable and yours truly got to write all about it.