Test Your Hispanic Marketing Skills: Which Brand of Soft Drink Sponsors Univision’s New Reality Show?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or simply don’t care about U.S. Hispanics attempting to do their own version of American Idol) you should know that Univision last night premiered Viva el Sueño, a new talent competition that “seeks to unveil the next big Latin music star.”

So… look carefully at the picture below, and –trying not to cheat– answer the following poll. (If you’ve been reading my blog long enough, you’ll have no trouble finding the answer.)

Ready? Set… Go!

Selena Gomez Wants you to Eat More White Bread

Because nothing goes hand in hand better than potentially-anorexic celebrities and white bread, Disney’s teen star Selena Gomez has been tapped to appear on 30 million packages of Sara Lee bread printed with Selena Gomez’s face.

This, of course, comes on top of the soon-to-be-released Selena Gomez movie and the Selena Gomez album, something that has Disney executives super excited because, among other things:

“Her Hispanic roots can help Disney widen its minority appeal,” Tricia Wilber, evp of sales and marketing at Disney Media told The Wall Street Journal.

I don’t know you, but I already feel happy to belong to such a distinguished, happy and fat bunch!

How Can We Ever Forget this Guy?

Que en paz descanse…

‘Texarican’ Rapper, a Bunch of Wrestlers and Some Girl Star in Thrifty Car Commercial

Used car salesmen might have the worst reputation out there, but you cannot deny the guys behind this Thrifty Car Sales commercial also have a very weird cool ideas as to how to pitch stuff. For starters, they tapped El Paso rapper Texarican (aka Wally Suarez) to dance around the car lot accompanied by a group of luchadores and some uninteresting girl in tight jeans.

You gotta do it right, buy smart and go Thrifty

Yeah!

Forget Miss Universe…. We Have Not One, But Two Winners of the “Miss Colita” Contest

Our favorite nonagenarian TV host, Don Francisco, once again managed to shake the entertainment world, with the election of two lucky winners at this year’s Miss Colita contest. (And I bet these are a little smarter than your regular beauty queen.)

more about “Colitas Videos – Truveo Video Search“, posted with vodpod

‘Beso’, Home of the $34 Tortilla Española, Will Expand. And I Still Won’t be able to Afford it

My favorite retro-acculturated Latina, Eva Longoria, is so hyped about the success of her Hollywood eatery Beso, that she’s going to expand it soon, with Beso Vegas expected to open on New Year’s Eve 2010.

But wait! My very well-informed sources claim she is also looking to open up smaller eateries at airports around the country… but since they are going to have a limited menu, she is going to name them Besitos. [Which made me think, oh, oh, how corny cute!]

In addition to Eva’s tortilla soup and Eva’s avocado guacamole [sic] Beso features a $34 tortilla española and a $36 Beso paella, because there is nothing like European stuff to spice up your Latin-infused menu and make diners pay through the nose.

(Hungry? Download here the full Dinner_Menu)

Texan Educators Want Your Children to Learn all about ‘Brown’ People

And speaking of brown, uninsured people, Texan educators are said to be working on a new curriculum for social studies that is intended “to shape the future history and geography books” by featuring more and more “Hispanic figures.”

Under the outrageously silly sensational headline of School Books in Texas may get Browner, the San Antonio Express News informs us that a mostly Hispanic crowd of schoolers will soon be reading all about “brown people”, including Dolores Huerta, Dr. Hector P. Garcia, Sandra Cisneros, Henry B. Gonzalez and Irma Rangel, which I think it’s kind of odd since most of the other Hispanic figures I see every day on Hispanic television don’t look very brown to me.

But, hey! that’s just me.

[Ah... the evils of obssesing with people's labels and colors...]

Green With Envy, I Decided to Design my Own Latina-Themed T-Shirts

I guess I am late to the proud-Latina-party, because apparently even the New York Times caught the fever of the “I am a Wise Latina Too T-shirt” movement.

But, as they say, it is better late than never. So I’ve set out to design my own Latino-themed T-shirts, which might not be as popular -or cute- as the other ones but they certainly describe the sorry status of this unreasonable Latina blogger.

(In the meantime, and while I wait for universal healthcare, I’ll cross my fingers hoping one day to be eligible for a Zumba-Medicare extravaganza.)

Wear These Kicks. Unleash the Charro Inside You

And just when I thought Latino celebrities were all hung up into lotions and perfums, Pepe Aguilar is coming forward to show us there is yet one more thing Hispanic famous people can do to boost their wallets appeal among their fans.

The five-time Latin Grammy winner this week announced that he will be launching his very own “Signature Men’s Shoe Collection”, which according to a very entertaining press release:

“[...] incorporate the latest trends in materials, colors, shapes and detailing, all with Pepe’s 100% hands-on approach and keen eye for every detail.”

Oh, and did I mention these are just perfect from jumping on and off your horse as you please!

¡Ajúa!

Time to Help Hispanic Seniors Navigate Medicare

Ah… the wonders of marketing!

In an effort to promote a free seminar on Medicare to Hispanics seniors, the ever-creative minds of United HealthCare are combining a series of educational talks with a session of Zumba, the Latin-infused fitness program that blends the rhythms of salsa and rumba… because there is nothing like a tough, sweaty, cardiovascular salsa-infused exercise routine to help senior citizens navigate this country’s surreal health-care system.

Note to Hispanic seniors: To attend the seminar, you are required to wear sneakers (i.e. tenis, not ball-room dancing shoes) and hopefully be healthy enough to endure hours of aerobic workout.

Come Sing With ‘Los Tigres’… at 33,000 Feet

Volaris, the Mexican low-cost airline that lets you fly from Toluca to Oakland for only $148 round-trip, is now offering norteño music fans the chance to see Los Tigres del Norte perform at 33,000 feet above the ground.

Yeah, that’s right. Volaris has partnered with Bandamax to launch Vuelo Volaris – Bandamax, a promotion offering 40 lucky winners the chance to fly on August 12 between Toluca and Los Angeles and watch Los Tigres perform live while you fly (and presumably when the passenger seat belts lights are off.)

And Just When You Thought the Whole ‘Ugly Betty’ Marketing Thing was Over…

I thought I had seen everything (from the unimaginable to the ridiculous) surrounding the Ugly Betty marketing phenomenon… until the English came up with a special-edition Diet Coke Ugly Bottle promotion that is sweeping London and turning young Brit teens into wearers of Guadalajara-labeled ponchos.

The pink leopard-ish bottle even comes with stickers that you can put on it because, you know, there is nothing like placing a sticker on your soda to make your beverage experience more refreshing.

For a behind-the-scenes video surrounding the latest Ugly Betty brouhaha click on the video below.

Tough Job Ahead for Mexican Cops

Speaking of spending taxes wisely, the Mexican police force wants our cops to look less like the guy on the left and more like the stud on the right. So, it is embarking on an ambitious plan to tackle the growing obesity among police officers.

According to media reports, Mexico’s Ministry of Public Security this week called upon the policemen to lose weight by living a healthy life like drinking more water, taking physical exercises and not eating junk food. Also:

“The ministry has sent 53 experts to give instructions on how to lose weight. Sports competitions like boxing, soccer and long-distance running will also be organized for the policemen.”

The government yet has to explain how these fellows will be able to afford healthy foods (i.e. not tacos de canasta) with a salary of $600 a month and how many sessions of soccer and boxing are needed to finally tackle the country’s rampant crime rate.

Brüno’s ‘Brutality’ Against Mexicans Already Annoying Some non-Mexicans

As if there was nothing better to worry about us, “poor Mexicans” (i.e. economic collapse, rampant violence, daily kidnappings, swine flu, etc. etc.) the latest controversy regarding my people has to do with the upcoming Mexican release of Brüno, the movie featuring a gay model-turned-TV reporter played by Sacha Baron Cohen.

In his regular Miami Herald column, Argentinean journalist Andrés Oppenheimer slams Brüno for being “particularly brutal to Mexicans.” The brutality, he says, is clear during a scene in which Brüno invites his celebrity guests to sit on top of live Mexican men on their fours.

“Come and sit on our great furniture,” Brüno tells one of his show’s guests, Paula Abdul. “These are our Mexican chair people. Demi Moore has two of them in her house.”

To spice up the column, Oppenheimer quotes yet another Bruno: Bruno Ferrari, the head of Pro-Mexico, the Mexican government agency in charge of revamping the country’s image abroad, who confesses to having mixed feelings about the whole thing (though I’m not really sure if he knew anything about Brüno). Promptly, he sentenced:

“We will have to do a profound analysis to see how to react to this.”

Really!!!

(I’m happy to know my family’s tax money is finally being put into something useful.)