‘Inglés Sin Barreras’ Not Doing it for You Anymore?

Worry no more. In this practical “manual for the good use of the English language,” the Lord himself comes to the rescue… and even gives you some tips on how to pass the U.S. citizenship test!

Hat tip: Francisco Vargas-Garabito, who first spotted the book at his local Walmart.

Clinton on the Sacred Cloak: Who Painted This Thing?

And speaking of God and his many talents, Hillary Clinton failed to acknowledge one of his mightiest deeds. Ever. During her recent visit to Mexico City’s Basílica de Guadalupe, the Secretary of State was so mesmerized by the sacred cloak of Juan Diego, that she couldn’t help but ask:

“And who did you say painted this thing?”

Thank goodness Monseñor Diego Monroy was at hand to provide the only correct answer.

“God!” he replied.

Of course. And you thought HE was only good at teaching English.

Elvis Crespo Wants You To Know He Didn’t Get Detained. No Word, Yet, on the ‘Other’ Stuff

It seems like Obama’s civic message delivered on Thursday during Univision’s Premio lo Nuestro compelled our favorite Puerto Rican handy-man to come out in the clear about what did and didn’t happen during a flight between Houston and Miami. Watch carefully, as he assures us how he never was arrested, nor detained. Ever.

more about “Declaraciones de Elvis Crespo Video b…“, posted with vodpod

Obama to ‘Premio’ Viewers: ¡Sí, se puede!

My favorite moment of Univision’s Premio lo Nuestro was, of course, the Presidential message (even though he didn’t appear in a mariachi garb as I had hoped) Here it is:

“Buenas noches. I want to thank the millions of you who voted for tonight’s winners, and I also want to thank all of you who voted in that other election back in November – even if it wasn’t for me. With the challenges we face right now, it is absolutely critical that you stay involved and make your voices heard. I want you to know that I will always be listening, and my Administration is working hard so that we can expand opportunity for all Americans and reach that better day,” he continued. “Now I know you tuned in for Premio Lo Nuestro,so let me get right to it. I don’t know who’ll get married tonight or who’ll get Video of the Year, but I know you’re in for some great performances that celebrate the rich diversity of Latin music, and that’s good news. So enjoy the show, y para los nominados que se preguntan si ésta será su noche, les digo, ¡sí, se puede!”

Click on the photo to watch the video on Univision.com

Barack Obama Joins Daddy Yankee, Fanny Lu, Don Omar and Others in Univision’s Music Extravaganza

Well, my friends, time has come for the nation’s president to be serious about U.S. Hispanics. Very serious. And that is why Barack Obama is taking a break from his busy schedule fixing AIG, Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantánamo and other stuff to come talk to us during tonight’s broadcast of Univision’s Premio lo Nuestro.

Per a Univision press release: The president will appear via video “to give a message of hope and civic engagement.” Immediately afterwards we’ll go back to enjoying a parade of scantily-clad Latinas and not very “civic” Latinos. (I’m sure Elvis Crespo needs an extra hand.)

Can’t wait!

Want to Denounce a Crime in Mexico? Call Your Local Bank

You gotta love Mexico’s politicians.

As part of its ongoing fight against organized crime –and presumably in an effort to impress Hillary Clinton, who is paying a visit– the Mexican government this week set up a hot line for people to call in anonymously to denounce criminal activity. Alas, the number published nationwide on the Official Journal of the Federation turned out to be the switchboard of a local Scotiabank branch.

The Office of the Attorney General is sending countless corrections and even some apologies. Well, I mean, nobody’s perfect!

McDonald’s Puts The Big Mac in a Tortilla. Seriously

Move over, McSkillet Burrito. Your favorite fat fast-food chain is testing the Snack Wrap Mac in several markets. The new culinary work of art is nothing but half a beef patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions –wrapped in a flour tortilla. Yummy.

McDonald’s spokeswoman Danya Proud proudly told AdAge that results of the test in several markets so far have been “great.” Supporting her claim, an executive at food industry research firm Technomic simply says: “It makes sense. They’re cheaper than a Big Mac. It tastes like a Big Mac with a tortilla.”

Hell, why didn’t we think of that before?

Attention, Job Seekers: Foxy Lady is Hiring

For those of you still unable to find the address of the upcoming Job Fair in Manhattan, Illinois, there’s an easier way to find work (and it doesn’t even require to dress up. At all.)

Foxy Lady, the Providence, R.I. strip club this weekend held a job fair, seeking applications for about 35 jobs such as dancers and massage girls, waitresses, bouncers, floor managers, DJs and “house moms.”

Among the new hires is Tania Azevedo, 21, a student at New England Institute of Technology studying to be a surgical technician. As told to the local press, Azevedo is confident of getting a job after graduation, but there will also be about $45,000 in student loans to repay and the tips from a nighttime bartender job would help.

See? When there’s a will [and a debt] there’s always a way [and a strip club joint willing to hire.]

p.s. Question from this blogger: What on Earth is a House Mom?

Can’t Find Ecuador on a Map? You Must Be Reading Too Many Brazilian Text Books

A Brazilian publishing company charged with printing 500,000 text books for six-graders decided that a country also known as The Banana Republic could not possibly be taken serious for a Geography lesson. So, according to press reports, the books distributed by the Vanzolini Foundation didn’t even include Ecuador on their map of South America.

But wait that’s not all:

“In fact, the book distributed by the education ministry in Brazil’s most populous state botches the location of most of Brazil’s neighbors. Paraguay is switched with Uruguay, and a second “new” Paraguay is shown with a coastline at the southern tip of Brazil.”

Dora Bids Adieu to her Former Self… and Socks

After all the brouhaha surrounding her mysterious new look, the new Dora was finally unveiled, complete with longer hair, less pounds and more make-up. It looks like the new girl is now ready for some other kinds of fun… if you know what I mean.

Arizona Business Owner Finds Racism Funny. LOL!

This is the stupid ”funny” sign posted outside the business of Flash Sharrar, owner of Team Ramco in Yuma, Az. who says is tired of having to turn away Hispanics looking for jobs. He says he is using the word ‘yobs’ because that’s the way we (i.e. Hispanics) pronounce ‘jobs.’

“These people come into our shop like they own the place and then argue with me about getting a job. I figured I would use their language to let them know there are no jobs here,” Mr. Sharrar told the Arizona Republic.

Well, maybe he’d be better off by actually posting a sign in our language, as in Aquí no hay trabajo. But I’m suspecting that would be a bit too much for monolingual Flash (or shall I call him Flach?)

Daddy Yankee’s Fragrance Smells Like a Threesome

Tired of your same old boring cologne? Puerto Rican reggaetonero has a tip for you: wear his new fragrance and you’ll have not one but two beauties running around the house looking to have a ménage á trois.

(It’s not the cash, the Rolls Royce nor the liters of liquor you stock at home: the secret is in your smell.)

Calderón Says Mexico’s Crime is Not That Bad. Gringos in Cancún Support His Claim

You all know Mexico’s organized crime is, well, much better organized that our sorry politicians. Even so, Mexican president Felipe Calderón this week delivered his strongest defense yet of his government accusing the media (and some in the U.S. government) of mounting a campaign of “lies” against Mexico.

Meanwhile, in Cancún, a group of happy gringo vacationers are mounting a campaign of “truths” about how safe and wonderful Mexico is (as long as they remain in the confines of a five-star, all-inclusive hotel that is.)

Here’s Why Latinos Will Never Find a Job. Ever

The hardest part about finding a job in this economy is… finding the location of a job fair.

According to an email blast sent out this week to members of The National Society for Hispanic Professionals, the upcoming New York Job fair (April 16) is taking place… somewhere in Chicago. Job seekers are directed to Manhattan’s Metropolitan Pavillion by clicking on a Google Map link that takes them directly to a place around Lake Michigan.

See? And you thought finding a job was hard!

Click on the picture to enlarge

¡Sí, Se Puede! El Chapo Guzmán Makes it to ‘Forbes’ List of Gazillionaires!

Move over, Carlos Slim. Another “notable” Mexican, our very own drug lord El Chapo Guzmán, 54, has made Forbes’ list of billionaires with a fortune described as “self-made.” (Please, don’t be fooled by the cheap-looking Gortex jacket.)

According to Forbes, the fortune of drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán is estimated at around $1 billion — No. 701 on the list- right between a Swiss oil-trading tycoon and a U.S. chemical heir and just on pair with Televisa’s Emilio Azcárraga-Jean.

Oh, and he is only 54, which makes us believe a bright future still awaits the Sinaloa native.

¿Quién dijo que no se puede?