Talk About a Genuine Chocolate ‘Bar’

Attending Hispanic conferences is always a wonderful experience, especially when you end up awash in Latino-themed goodies. Such was the case at this week’s HACR’s annual Symposium in New York City, where attendees were treated with Margarita-flavored milk chocolate bars, among other delicious stuff.

I have not yet had the ‘cojones’ to try the thing. I would need a couple of shots beforehand. Or maybe more.

A Case of Product ‘Misplacement’

It is not news that Spanish-language television is plagued with product placement pitches and product endorsements by network talent. But here’s what can go wrong, very wrong, when you do so on live television and your main “pitch man” cannot tell the difference between Hellmann’s and McCormick.

Hide your Blackberries. The Mexicans are Coming!

I’m sure you don’t know this, but we Mexicans are very fond of fruit. This was evident this week during Felipe Calderón’s NAFTA meeting in New Orleans:

“A Mexican government official who was in Washington DC to advance the meeting in New Orleans between President Bush and Mexican President Calderon was caught stealing Blackberries off of a table that didn’t belong to him,” according to Fox News.

The alleged blackberry thief, Rafael Quintero Curiel, has flatly denied everything and is demanding an investigation.

He just wanted a fruit salad!

Respect the Chilpotle

One has to appreciate the efforts by Stand to add exotic spices to its otherwise boring American food. The Manhattan “fancy” burger joint not only offers its own homemade ketchup, but is now entering uncharted territory: the Chipolte.

But just to set the record straight: This delicious Mexican spice (chile) is actually called chilpotle in its native Mexico, which in náhuatl means nothing but “smoked chile.” It’s not chipolte, nor Chipotle (sorry, Mc Donald’s)… and it tastes good!

Here’s Why I Never Wanted a Quinceañera. Ever

Forget Novelas. The Erotic Network Lands in LatAm

And just when you thought Latin American television couldn’t get any better… The Erotic Network has announced the launch of three channels in our Roman, Catholic and Pope-loving countries: XTSY, Real y Juicy will be offered to cable subscribers on a pay-per-event basis, as well as broadband and VOD, according to TV Latina.

“We are very proud to be able to offer our new clients the opportunity to generate additional revenues in the region,” said Ken Boenish, president of The Erotic Networks.

Gee! don’t you wish you had this guy’s job?

Global ‘Warning’: Baja is Gone. Again

Forget about the Absolut fiasco or my -unsuccessful- attempt to boycott UPS. The latest geographical offense comes courtesy of Mr. Al Gore and his WE-wee $300-million-dollar campaign. Look carefully at the following map and answer the following questions:

-Where the hell is Baja California?

-Why does the area pertaining to Mexico bears the words “tofu” and “burger?”

-Since when do we salsa-dance in Patagonia?

-Why is the term “police criminals” only found in Central America?

These are, folks, just some questions to chew on. You never know with people who despise Latin America… One has to be always vigilant. Hasta la vista, baby!

In Search of My Latino ‘Bi-dentity’

Wonder what the new generation Latinos are all about? Look no further than the most recent research by Creative Artists Agency (CAA) and The Intelligence Report, which concludes marketers must address these kids’ “bi-dentities” to better market their wares (i.e. fattening sodas, junk food, bad music, etc.)

“It’s a mix-and-match lifestyle… It’s the same as the person who orders a hamburger but with jalapeños,” CAA Christy Haubegger told Brandweek magazine.

Well, I guess as I approach my 40th birthday, I am no longer a member of this so-called new generation. Besides, if I were to express my “bi-dentity,” food-wise, I’d rather go for a crepa de huitlacoche. Jalapeño burgers don’t do the trick.

Ay caramba!

When the Going Gets Tough… Ban Taco Trucks

The Associated Press reports this morning that Los Angeles County has passed a law making it a misdemeanor crime for taco trucks to stay in a spot longer than one hour. The reason?

“Many restaurants are forced to close their doors because they cannot compete with a catering truck’s prices,” said Louis Herrera, president of the Greater East Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce. “It’s unfair competition.”

Maybe if the area restaurants were to serve better food, they might be able to compete with a delicious, greasy and contaminated street taco… That said, consider how taco-trucker attorney Phillip Greenwald came to the defense of the taqueros ambulantes:

“This is parking, after all,” he said. “They’re not selling porn, they’re not selling drugs. This is food and beverages.”

Well, Mr. Greenwald, you just gave Mexican taco truckers an excellent idea!

I’ll Wear my Red Shawl, So I Can Look Just Like Her

First came Cinco de Mayo Barbie, then the “authentic,” Hispanic-looking [sic] quinceañera and more recently Kmart’s new line of ethnic dolls.  So let’s welcome now the Friends Forever Reina Doll, the latest “multicultural” addition to the Dolls Like Me line.

Reina, its creators inform us, not only means Queen in Spanish but, at $89 apiece, comes clad in a red shawl and zippered backpack: a truly Latino-look if you ask me. She is kind of cute, or at least better looking than Ugly Betty.

But wait! Can somebody please explain why Kameko (below) is only $59.95? (I guess this is one of these instances in which size DOES matter!)

 

These Workers Don’t Need a Helping Hand

I spent a good part of Sunday sipping Reconquista-special Absolut Vodka martinis at Manhattan’s Bar Six, and although I noticed that 99.99% of the kitchen and boss-boy staff was of Mexican origin, I failed to realize that the excess of work has turned these poor souls into mutant, several-handed creatures.

Can somebody please give them a hand? (or maybe not.)

How to Market the Perfect Quickie

Forget about complex research and marketing formulas. Here’s how a motel in Mexico brilliantly positions itself as the ultimate spot for a “quickie.”

Note to the monolingual crowd: Rapidín is Spanish for quickie.

Photo posted by Facebook user Gustavo Morett.

Let’s Now Boycott UPS, Shall We?

OK this is it!. Forget about Absolut Aztlán. Now it is Mexicans turn to feel the outrage. Look closely at this “very detailed” map of the world and tell me: Where the hell is the Baja California peninsula? Last time I checked it showed as part of the Mexican territory (even though Americans are always there, hanging out).

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced the UPS Whiteboard campaign is part America’s plan for world domination. So I suggest we all boycott UPS until a) they learn how to draw a map of Mexico, or b) give us Baja back!

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

(Hat tip to Carlos, a reader, for sending this over)

Wanted: White-Collar ‘Jornaleros’

Thanks to AdAge’s blog editor Ken Wheaton for flagging this one up. It’s simply brilliant (and makes me wonder what the Absolut boyocotters will make out of it). Enjoy!

And Now… Caribbean-Themed Doughnuts!

Wondering what people eat in the Caribbean? Look no further than your local Krispy Kreme outlet. The Winston-Salem, N.C.-based company is introducing two new treats “bursting with island flavor!”

“The Caribbean Kreme doughnut and Chillers feature the intense flavors of freshly ripened tropical fruits. The doughnut is filled with a blend of exotic mango, pineapple and passion fruit, and topped with delicious white icing and shortcake crunch.”

I am so jealous of Cubans right now, as I’m sure they’re happily enjoying this burst of tropical flavor down in that island of theirs…