Ahí Va Romina, Repartiendo Caramelos Desde el Cielo

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Romina duerme cuando noche; mecida en la luna y desde allá nos reconoce…

If this song is not about her, I don’t know what is…

Romina viaja tierna y nuevade campo a estrellay va subiendo por las teclasdel piano, escalera.
Romina se ha escapado lejostras de un conejo blancoy aunque sabe que la esperanse va jugando.
Romina lleva caramelosque arroja del cieloy cuando llega el aguaceroson dulces los sueños.
Para Romina entre los astroses un jardín el espacioy mientras viva la alegríasu día es largo.
Romina si tuvieras tiempopiensa en mí.
Romina desde que estás lejosno es sencillo ningún juegode los que aprendípara vivir.
Romina canta cuando bajadel monte a algún ríoy cuando llega la mañanalos ojos le miro.
Para Romina una guitarraresonará por siempremientras viva la esperanza
Romina vuelve.
Romina duerme cuando nochemecida en la lunay desde allá nos reconocenos mira sin duda.
Si cuando el sol que da un domingopromete un bello díaserá seguro que contigoRomina ría.
Hat tip: Carla Raygoza

It’s Holy Week in Mexico: Time for Jesus Accidents Nationwide

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Photo credit: Pulso DF

You may not know this but Semana Santa (Holy Week) is a very important religious holiday in Mexico, and among the many events that take place during the course of the week, the so-called passion play is one of the most popular — and well-attended. It consists of a representation of the via crucis, and involves everyone, from workers, students and housewives who become actors for one day to play the roles of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, the Nazarenes, the apostles — and other characters (not all of them strictly Biblical) including a spy, a dog, and a wandering Jew.

In the play, when Christ gets captured, we see him carrying a cross a long way and until he reaches a location that represents Mount Calvary. In the most famous of these representations (the one that takes place in Iztapalapa) we see Christ carrying his cross from the town’s main square to the nearby Cerro de la Estrella in the heart of Mexico City.

Unfortunately, not all Mexican towns and cities have a mountain or even a hill around, so they resort to crucify Jesus on pretty much any location, including an electricity pole. This, as you can imagine, can have bring about some funky accidents.

JUST WATCH. ¡Pobre Jesús!

16 Years without my Mami: The Funniest Mexican I’ve Ever Known ❤️

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Cuquita & yours truly in “Little Italy,” the two words I couldn’t pronounce without my mother cracking up at my “sophisticated, unintelligible gringo accent.”

Thirteen years ago today, my mother, my best friend –and the funniest Mexican I’ve ever met– quietly passed away in a small hospital room in Mexico City.

While her (sudden and premature) death was the worst thing me and my siblings have had to endure, she left us the one thing no one will ever take away from us: A sense of humor that –she assured us– was the only way to go through life, no matter how tough the shit got going.

Cuquita told the dorkiest jokes and made the funniest remarks about being divorced, poor, underemployed, uneducated, hungover, drunk, uninsured, etc. etc. (“I have saved enough money to last me until the day I die … as long as I die tomorrow,” she used to say often –while cracking up….or  “If I didn’t know this was a hangover… I’d rush to the nearest emergency room.” har har har.)

And then there’s my personal favorite. Once, during a heated discussion with us (her kids) giving her a hard time over something, she stops and yells at us: “DO YOU GUYS EVEN KNOW WHY I NEVER WENT TO HARVARD?” … Silence ensued, I mean, fuuuuuuck, we don’t know about that thing…  Why? my sister asks almost embarrassed for not knowing.

“Because I didn’t finish elementary school! JA JA JA,” goes my mother….

Ok, you get the picture. I don’t exaggerate when I say Cuquita contributed to at least half all the Spanish slang and idiomatic expressions I used in Think Dirty Spanish. She would often call in the middle of the night with the great news that she had found –yet– another expression she’d love to see in the book. “¡Mosquita muerta!.. a ver ¿cómo dicen eso los gringos?”

She hated Walt Disney, but she wore the sweatshirt all the same, because… America!

We traveled the world together.

We went to shady tango joints in Buenos Aires; gigantic farmer markets in Los Angeles and colorful tavernas in Valparaíso, Chile. Once, on a trip between Santiago and Buenos Aires, right in the middle of the Andes, our plane had an engine failure and for a few, terrifying moments, we thought we would die right there. But then, as I hyperventilated and yelled in panic for a Valium or something, my mother started laughing out loud at our poor Argentine pilot, who was so distressed, he couldn’t even speak properly. Favor de no formor, he asked us, instead of Favor de no fumar.

BUAHAHAHAHAHA, my mom and I had a fit of hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

Damn you, Cuquita! ¡Qué divertido era viajar juntas!

My favorite were her months-long visits to New York, when we’d roam the city in search of “real genuine stuff” to cook authentic Mexican things, but more often than not ended up in some fancy steakhouse drinking wine, cubas libres and eating meat like there was no tomorrow. (Oh, and did I mention the marathonic poker sessions?)

Cuquita spoke NO ENGLISH whatsoever, but none of that mattered, because in Nueva York, everyone knew her and spoke Spanish to her. My friends, my colleagues, my neighbors, the super, the bodega guy… todos.

To this day, no matter if I’m in CDMX or not, I know Cuquita will always have an altar in her home for Día de Muertos featuring some of her favorites: chocolates, pan de muerto, cigarettes and cubas libres (with flat Coke, which she seemed to favor –for some reason.) ¡Gracias, Catus!

I’m not sure where she is right now. But if there’s anything going on UP THERE, in the so-called afterlife, I’m sure she’s serving the cubas libres, setting up the poker table, telling the jokes –and having a blast.

Te quiero, mami. ❤❤

Feeling Lonely on Super Bowl Sunday? Get Yourself some Insta-Mexicans!

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They are festive, colorful and –more importantly– not contagious!

Are you on a tight budget for fancy avocados and still haven’t made any “ethnic-looking” friends?

Worry not!

You can now buy 5-feet-tall Mexican “scene setters,” ready to assemble and give your Super Bowl party a unique fiesta touch. It’s as easy as bashing a piñata! Besides, with the pandemic still in full swing, WHO NEEDS REAL PEOPLE AROUND, ANYWAY?

For only a few bucks, you can pretend to have real Mexicans at your birthday, bautizo, quinceañera, wedding, etc. These Insta-Mexicans are over 5 feet high; they won’t eat all the tamales, nor gulp all the beer or crash in your living room forever.

So, what are you waiting for? Go get your Instant Mexicans ahorita mismo!*

*I bet these are totally Made in China, but just pretend you didn’t read this note at all.

Move Over, Baby Jesus! Baby Yoda Wants a Piece of your Rosca de Reyes

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‘Los Magos Reyes’ are almost here, says baby Yoda.

Three Kings Day – better known as Día de Reyes in Spanish-speaking countries – is celebrated on January 6 to honor the Three Wise Men (Los tres reyes magos) who went through great lenghts to visit baby Jesus and bring tons of presents to celebrate his birth.

In Mexico –and a few other countries– the festivity includes the cutting of a special, oval-shaped cake known as the rosca de reyes, which comes filled with tiny plastic dolls symbolizing the hiding of the infant Jesus from King Herod’s troops. But because we live in 2023 and Star Wars has become part of our daily lives, some very creative Mexicans are making Baby Yodas for you to stuff your 2021 rosca with instead.

Move over, Reyes Magos, here come los Magos Reyes!

I don’t know about you, I just think it’s adorbs!

ayñ

Merry Christmas from a CDMX Grinch Organ Grinder

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Nothing says Christmas in Mexico City like a Grinch organillero.

If you’ve ever visited Mexico, I’m sure you have noticed the ubiquitous organ grinders (known as organilleros,) that tend to gather around main plazas or outside churches to provide entertainment –and one of the most characteristic sounds of my country.

Nowadays, most of Mexico’s organilleros belong to a union (formed in the late 1970s) and wear their characteristic brown uniform and hats. But there are exceptions, of course, as this dude found by a friend in CDMX, who roams about the streets of the capital city dressed up as none other but The Grinch.

And this, my friends, is the most charming thing I’ve seen lately in this annus horribilis.

WATCH HIM IN ACTION:

Luis Miguel Now Peddling Healthcare to Latinos, Because Marketing

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In the latest chapter of Bizarre Marketing Endorsements, Luis Miguel (aka El Sol de México) has partnered with Alignment HealthPlan in an effort to celebrate a “commitment to vitality and wellness at every age,” because, as President & CEO Dawn Maroney says:

Together, we’re not just changing how you experience health care; we’re celebrating you. Welcome to a new era of aging.

I don’t know about you, but this thing leaves me feeling like 100 years old, especially when the last LuisMi-endorsed commercial I remember is when this hottie used to look like this:

Hat tip:@lechancle 

Just Say ‘Gracias’ and Have a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

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Gracias, Jesús

This blogger will be taking some time off to embark on a food and drink rampage spiritual retreat to plan for the year ahead and thank my paisanos for all the hard work and for enduring stuff like this, this and this on a daily basis.

Also, I wanted you to know I’m officially kicking off the Guajolote-Reyes marathon, which runs from Thursday Nov. 23 and all the güey through January , 2023.